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The NFL remains America's problematic fave
The beating Cam Newton took on opening night and the resulting backlash highlights the NFL's deficiencies in dealing with head injuries. Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

The NFL remains America's problematic fave

It’s the dawn of a new NFL season and therefore time again to wring our collective hands over the fact that watching football has not been purged from the bounds of polite society.

The NFL is a big dumb sports-entertainment conglomerate and one of the last true unifying spectacles in pop culture - it’s also a profit-seeking machine so amoral it occasionally borders on pure evil. And America can’t quit it.

The media loves harping on the NFL, in part because the league gives journalists plenty to rant about, and because the league’s crushing popularity means it consistently moves the needle. For organizations not in the business of pro football, the amount of deception committed by the NFL would surely mean ruin, but the league forges on, as strong as ever. Sure, declaring that you’re not watching football - or even that you’re thinking about it - might be a popular thing to say to win brownie points around your progressive friends, but the fact of the matter is a huge chunk of the nation still has no problem tuning in each week. Some journalists get so frustrated that their condemnations have failed to result in football’s death that it comes off as much like sour grapes for their own lack of influence than genuine concern for what the sport represents.

Even though the NFL has been forced into minor progress on some key issues - finally acknowledging to Congress that a link exists between football and CTE - it still has trouble with many of the subjects that have constituted its PR nightmare of the last few years. The NFL handed a mere one-game suspension (far below the six-game minimum for domestic violence cases, yet another stark reminder that the league still has much to learn when it comes to DV) to kicker Josh Brown even though his wife claimed to have been the victim of attacks on as many as 20 instances. That the kicker was arrested again for violating a protective order was not enough to sway the league or the Giants organization, which claimed to be comfortable with the new contract it gave him this off-season.

While Thursday’s season opener was a closely contested and exciting game, the main story to come out of it was the inattention given to Cam Newton’s condition following several helmet-to-helmet hits, as well as the inconsistency in officiating those hits depending on the quarterback. Those strike at themes the NFL will probably never be able to fully address - taking the risk of head injury out of the game and coming to terms with its byzantine rule book.

And that’s probably the best the media can hope to accomplish - keeping the pressure on the NFL to improve while reaping the attention paid to the sport. If the NFL does go away, it’ll likely be more of a gradual shift than a one-year dropoff.

It’s a grim note to start the year, though being an NFL fan to some degree means reconciling these problems with yourself. It’s often a very difficult sport to love, but the nation still loves it.

Things To Be Genuinely Excited About For The NFL Season

  • Fewer commercials for daily fantasy! DraftKings and FanDuel may not be in the shape they were this time last year, but they’re still ticking. So while there were still commercials for DraftKings during the Thursday opener, it seemed like there were fewer? That’s something.
  • The refs are now giving out warnings when issuing the first personal foul to a player that one more could lead to ejection. I can’t wait until the first ejection based on a taunting penalty. It’s going to be magical.
  • Probably more amazing catches like the one Chris Harris Jr. made on his first half interception. Y’know, the amazing athletic feats that drew us to this sport in the first place.


Red Zone Bathroom Pass

NFL watchability ratings are generally pointless. Everyone has access to the same prime time games and their quality typically corresponds to the night they’re broadcast. Sunday night is the best, Monday night is next, then there’s Thursday night. This can vary on occasion, though I trust you don’t need me to tell you that Patriots-Seahawks is a better game on paper than Rams-Texans.

On Sunday afternoons, there’s Red Zone Channel to cull the best moments so unless you’re a fan of a specific team playing there’s little reason to focus too closely on a game. Don’t have Red Zone? Well, then you’re probably stuck with whatever game is assigned to you by your region.

What I can do for you is give a general expectation of how many bathroom breaks you might be able to get away with during a slate of games on Sunday. In general, it’s going to be more difficult during the early slate because the NFL still insists on frontloading most of their Sunday nights into the early slot. For example, there are nine (9!) games in Week 1 Sunday early slate, with just three in the second. Split those up more evenly, dinguses!

Early slate:
Buccaneers/Falcons, Bills/Ravens, Bears/Texans, Packers/Jaguars, Chargers/Chiefs, Raiders/Saints, Bengals/Jets, Browns/Eagles, Vikings/Titans

That’s just a high volume of games. Add in the fact that it’s Week 1 and we don’t really know who’s good or bad yet, and that means there’s a lot to watch. Hopefully all the games go to the half around the same time or else you might very well be missing on something important. Don’t load on drinks early.

Anticipated potential bathroom breaks: one (two if you’re lucky/have an emergency)

Afternoon slate:
Dolphins/Seahawks, Giants/Cowboys, Lions/Colts

With just three games, there should be some downtime, even with the staggered start which means Miami/Seattle won’t go to half at the same time as the other two contests. Though New York/Dallas will surely provide a lot of highlights, what with the first career start of Dak Prescott and the catching prowess of Dez Bryant and Odell Beckham, who may or may not be propositioned on the field by Lena Dunham in the middle of a play.

Anticipated potential bathroom breaks: three, which should be ample, if we're being honest.

Enjoy the games, folks. Hopefully the NFL is better about communicating what its independent spotters are doing on Sunday.

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